You are out birding with a small group of friends. Each of you are scanning the sky, looking out to sea or grilling the nearby vegetation. And then the moment comes when one of you has got something! Something good!! But now there is the need to get everybody else onto it - there is the need to give directions. The following are genuine, and totally useless...
For a petrel flying across a stormy sea
"Over that wave!"
For the reason that two distant stints keep being lost from view
"One is behind the other"
For a high raptor on a totally clear day
"In the blue sky"
For a Pied Flycatcher on the edge of a wood
"In front of that tree"
For a putative Caspian Gull in amongst a flock of hundreds of juvenile gulls
"Near the immature gull"
For a fly-through early hirundine"Over there"
Giving directions can become an art form, a place for showing off ones natural history knowledge and a chance to let everybody know what a clever dick you are...
"Can you see that Cladonia encrusted Blackthorn bush? Next to the stand of Sweet Vernal Grass? Well directly behind that are the remains of a wire fence that used to surround the coastguard's cottage that was built in 1896. If you come towards us by thirty degrees and bear NNE away from the neolithic burial mound - you will see a lone Greater Mullein spike. Behind that. By the patch of brown-tail moth infested Goat Willow."