Plod beats Trodd
Time is up, the white-arses have been counted and the results are in! I am delighted to announce that Martin Casemore is the winner of the 2019 ND&B Wheatear Trophy , with a new White-arse record count. Professor O. E. Nanthe from Brighton University (left) presented the trophy to a well scrubbed-up Martin during a ceremony held in a marquee on Dungeness beach this morning. Afterwards, a tearful Martin spoke to me: "I was really pleased when you decided to run the Wheatear competition again. I was in a bad place, I had become obsessed with gulls. I was swimming out to the islands on Burrowes Pit to roost with them at night; I was going into Hastings on summer days and nicking chips and ice-cream off of the holiday makers along the sea-front; and had even started to shit on people's cars. The final straw was when I met up in secret with 'other' gull enthusiasts, where we would dress up as our favourite gull species and imitate their calls. I was always a Caspi...