Thursday, 27 June 2013

These are a few of my least favourite things

Rare geese
Cackling Canada, Richardson's Canada, Greater Snow - I'm struggling here to keep my eyes open I'm so underwhelmed. A small rare goose in amongst a gathering of hundreds of commoners does nothing for me.

Champagne
Expensive and over-rated. The bubbles get up my nose, give me heartburn and then later a headache. Non!

Basketball
As a spectator sport, mind-numbingly boring. A team of tall freaks run down one end and aim a ball at a hoop. Then the other team do the same but up the other end. Over. And. Over. Again. Sometimes one of them misses. Final score - who gives a damn.

Motorbikes
Maybe I have never been blokey enough to become a biker, either an oily rough one or a clean Goldwing owner. I just about get cars, but that is only so that I can differentiate them by their colours, not the model.

Staines Reservoir.
This place has received absolute devotion from regular observers down the ages, who swear by its magical abilities to entice rare birds to linger awhile (and for them to linger themselves for days, nay, months on end). I just swear at its monotonous visual qualities - wide grey sky, wide grey water, long metal fence. Considering that I have seen Baird's Sand, Long-billed Dowitcher, Buff-breast Sand, Wilson's and Red-necked Phalarope here, plus a load of good ducks, divers and grebes, you would think that I'd be kinder to the place. I'd sooner stake out a Tesco car park.

Sunglasses
Never worn a pair. Would feel like Mr Smith from The Matrix if I did. Or Roy Orbison.

BBQs
Why faff around in the garden with coals that won't light and then either undercook or burn your food when you've got a perfectly good kitchen only feet away? I know, it's to smoke out your neighbours, impregnate their washing with odours of charcoaled chicken legs and pretend that you're having a great time while either sheltering from a shower of rain or exposing your lillywhite skin to harmful UV rays.

The Clash
Darlings of the punk and rock intelligentsia. I could never listen to them when they were at their height, far to worthy and knowing for me. Went to too many parties where Sandinista went on the turn table.

4 comments:

  1. What a post Steve!
    Rare geese - bollocks.
    Champers - fizzy watter.
    Basketball - Eh? Yanks game? Grown men playing with a ball..
    Motorbikes - They tell me I should watch out for them on my lanes at home. Cheeky twats do 120 MPH like the TT but its my fault if I dont see one! Every one in the hedge makes our roads a safer place to be I reckon.
    Staines ( 'ressers' in general) In fact the word ressers get right on mine. Conctrete bowls where good birds look like shite.
    BBQs - My missus gets me to empty our whole kitchen into the garden to part cook veggie sausages in the cold, then to carry it all back in again. WHY?

    We have a lot in common... :)

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    1. Stewart, we already know that we are cut from the same cloth.

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  2. The Clash?

    How very, very dare you!

    I used to have a list of people to steer clear of:
    1) People who've just been burgled
    2) People who don't have a TV
    3) People who've just been divorced
    and
    4) People who don't like the Clash...

    I mean, really Steve...








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    Replies
    1. As some compensation Tim, I have to admit to acknowledging that 'London Calling' is a fine track. Also I only fail on one of your four categories.

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