NORTH DOWNS & BEYOND

Several times over the past few years I've looked at my attempts to identify and record all orders of the natural world and have shaken my head at my futile exercise. It is just all too much. Yes, I am lucky enough to have time on my hands to try such a thing, but in reality all that I end up doing is water down any proficiency that I have in my 'favourite' orders. Take birds for example... Up until the late 1980s I would read almost everything that was published regarding bird identification, and without wanting to come across as big-headed, was more than proficient in the field. I then started to take more interest in moths and plants, orders that boast thousands of species. My mind wandered away from birds and was immersed in these new worlds. There was much to learn, and my time was spent trying to be able to identify such things as the different pugs and crucifers that were now being revealed to me. The birds took a back seat, and because of that I slowly became rusty....

Chequered Skipper - the only one that I have seen. NOT collected A museum glass cabinet that displays stuffed birds is an object that at once shows its age. When the naturalists of the 18th and 19th centuries went out to catalogue the natural world, they went armed with guns, cat gut and sawdust. The provenance of a bird was down to the production of its skin - the old saying of 'what's hit is history, what's missed is mystery' was very true indeed - if you didn't have the body then the record was unproven. There cannot be many people who would not baulk at the idea of netting birds, wringing their necks and then displaying them at home, stuffed and wired to a perch within a case. But what about butterflies? Moths? Beetles? I have recently had an email correspondence on the rights and wrongs of collecting with two fellow naturalists. I think it fair to say that one is pro and one against. I find myself sitting somewhere in the middle. It got me thinking abo...

Being an incompetent pan-lister means that, on a more regular basis than I care to admit, I take photographs of living forms that I cannot identify in the field. These are mostly fungi, or beetles, or mosses, or flies, or lichens, or... you get the picture. On my return home, I load these images onto the computer and place them in a desktop folder called 'Mystery'. And here they live until I get around to looking at them, by then armed with reference material. Once identified, (and if the photo is good enough), it will then be filed. But the mystery images in the 'mystery' folder are always being topped up - and it is never empty. At the end of 2013 I decided to empty the 'mystery' folder. There were mosses and flies from 2010 that had taunted me for too long. I realise that even a cracking photo might not be enough for a positive identification anyhow. You cannot take a spore print from pixels. I surrendered. I deleted them. A great sense of calm came over ...

Pupil: Steve Gale Class: North Downs and beyond Subject: Birds Steven has tried hard to be taken seriously as a birder. Sometimes this has paid off, such as the discovery of a large Hawfinch flock in deepest Surrey. It was, however, noted that this find was during a non-birding interlude. His wife was able to find the best bird of the term in their back garden (a male Black Redstart) which, although subsequently being seen, he could not claim as his own. Members of staff at Beddington, Holmethorpe and Canons Farm report irregular attendance. Work :B+ Effort :C- Subject: Moths A cold spring meant that his trap counts from the garden were very low, but all pupils suffered similar results. Since June however Steven has doubled his efforts and can possibly be considered unfortunate in a continued poor return. He should be congratulated on a fine Royal Mantle just before the end of the school year. The pheromone investment that he made showed initiative, but so far this has no...

This morning, North Downs and Beyond  was delighted to receive the following communication: "After agitation from the North Downs and Abroad and angry scenes on the streets of the Bailiwick of Jersey, there was an emergency meeting held at Pan-species Listing Central last night. A bleary-eyed spokesperson emerged this morning to declare a shock change to The Rules: the Channel Islands count!  Insiders believe this heralds a new era of political and economic unity between the UK and the Bailiwicks, with HM Revenue and Customs anticipating that the islands wealthy inhabitants will be expressing their gratitude through voluntary tax contributions.  Mark Telfer said: “I’m relieved to have averted this schism in the Pan-species Listing community. But it is a symptom of its success now that a massive 10 listers are participating. It is a major responsibility to try to keep everybody happy”.  But celebrations over the news were clouded by rumours that a militant lister...

I was pleased to see that naturalists from all over the UK gathered at St.Helier on the Channel Island of Jersey to protest against Mark Telfer's cruel discrimination against the islands as not being considered a part of the pan-listing kingdom. John Nettles, old Bergerac himself, gave an impassioned speach to the crowd of several thousand Frenchman in which he pointed out the absurdities of allowing entry for the Isle of Man "their cat's haven't even got tails!" and the Republic of Ireland "it's only allowed in because he's seen White Prominent there!" Monique Le Seur, of Monmartre Chateau on the Rue de la Tete commented that Jersey "is as English as I am". Among those signing the petition being gathered were Bill Oddie, Kate Humble, Terry Nutkins and that bald bloke from the One Show . It was left to John Nettles to some up the mood of the demonstration - "If Telfer thinks that he can get away with this, he's got anoth...

Steve is told by Nurse Humble that his pan-species list is full of string The following post was dictated by Steve Gale to Nurse Humble: I have settled into the Attenborough Home for Confused Naturalists as well as can be expected. I am in a room with two other patients - both, not surprisingly, middle-aged men. Colin is a steam railway enthusiast who recites the Settle to Cumbria 'Fells Rocket' timetable from 1955 incessantly. Last night, Sister Humble caught him with a piece of 00 gauge model railway track that he had hidden in his pyjama bottoms and this caused quite a rumpus. Colin was dragged away by two porters and we haven't seen him since. The other chap is a science fiction geek who says that his name is 'Quark, Lord of the Sith' although I know that he is really called Reginald and is an accountant from Reigate. Together we muddle through the day, being read to by doctors from a B&Q catalogue. I realised that I had a problem when I was served su...

Pan-species listing has hit the nationals. Click here to read how the Sunday Telegraph embraces the latest in a long line of natural history eccentricities. Whilst on the subject, recent exposure in the media has meant that a few more listers have come forward and declared their lists. I'm starting to slip down the table I'm afraid. In reality, I might not even make a top 100 if everybody owned-up to what they had seen in the UK. For me to compete I do need to obtain more in the way of identification keys, particularly for invertebrates. A decent lichen guide wouldn't go amiss either. This all taxa interest has exposed one problem and that is of time. With a job and family, leisure time is quite scarce. I have always had other interests other than natural history and have wanted to persue them, but.... it means doing less birding, less botanising and that is something that I'm not prepared to do. So, learning to speak French, writing a novel, visiting art galleries, wa...

Pan-listing fever found me looking at a photograph of a moss (above) that I took on Sunday (at Stourhead in Wiltshire) and deciding, rightly or wrongly, that it must be Brachythecium rutabulana , a type of feather-moss. As with all such groups, whose species number hundreds and can be bewilderingly similar, my declaration of identification is somewhat a leap of faith. I can also reveal that I also had an armchair tick this evening - I was reading about rotifers (go and look it up) and was pleased to find out that there is a common species, Philodina roseola , that lives in water butts and bird baths that has a habit of turning the water in the latter red. This often happens in our bird bath and I have wondered what it is that magically makes the water a living rusty soup. Now I know. Pan-list: 2626 (until someone cleverer than me tells me what the moss really is).

Please read Mark Telfer's account of his setting up of the pan-species listing league table, together with a rough set of rules. I am currently languishing towards the bottom of the top ten and unless I get myself sorted out I will find it difficult to progress, as most of those above me are professional biologists! However, the chances of adding to my list are great, as I still have plenty of avenues to mine. If you tot your list up and it is over 2,000, why not drop Mark an email. I have, in the past, refered to this listing as 'all-taxa', but pan-listing is now the prefered name. Go and start counting yours...