In the early hours of Tuesday morning, the writer of this blog, Steve Gale, was taken away by the authorities and placed in a secure unit at the Attenborough Home for Confused Naturalists. His wife called in help when Steve was found hanging upside down from the rafters of the loft, in the belief that he could entice Horseshoe Bats into the roof space and thus onto his pan-species list.
His wife has revealed that Steve has been exhibiting bizarre behaviour on an increasing scale: "Since he started this bloody stupid pan listing he has been insisting that I keep the kitchen as filthy as possible to entice cockroaches, I haven't been able to wash so that he can check me for fleas and he has hired a digger to excavate the garden in his search for all sorts of creepy-crawlies."
Doctor Geoffrey Masters from the Packham wing at Attenborough was quite confident that Steve will be returned to society in a fit state once again: "We need to keep him away from any visual stimuli that can excite the glands in his body that switch on the newly identified 'Pan sensor'. No TV, no computer and no curtains are to be opened in the room."
Steve's treatment will include life lessons such as 'An introduction to your family', 'Car cleaning for beginners', 'DIY and a man's tool box are your friends' and 'How to embrace pushing a trolley around a supermarket'
It is hoped that he will return to blogging in the near future.