(If Donald Trump did birding...)
This morning I saw some great birds. Truly great. Better than anything seen by other birders. Period. There was a large raft of Tufted Ducks. All 374 of them. I counted each one. I really did. They were spectacular. Truly spectacular. And even though there are some people out there who are trying to make these Tufted Ducks out to be of no consequence at all, they are lying. They say that Ring-necked Ducks and Lesser Scaups are rarer - they are not. Not at all. Never.
I have also just realised that I did, in fact, see the 1962 Westleton Houbara Bustard. In Suffolk. I truly did. It marched down that Suffolk lane as if it hadn't a care in the world. I can also now recall seeing the 1963 Skegness Rufous Bushchat and also the 1966 Durlston Brown Thrasher. I really can. As clear as day. No doubt. No doubt at all. They were remarkable birds. My life list is without doubt the largest life list in the UK. Truly. 654 species and counting. But there are birders out there that say I haven't. They are lying. Lies from jealous people. Unbelievable. My alternative facts are being called fake news. I wonder why.
All these Pine Buntings. All these people running around, standing in the cold, trying to see them. They don't realise that they are all escapes. Every one of them. Out of cages. Not one is tickable. I should know, because I saw the Dagenham Chase bird in 1992. I was the only person to see it. Nobody else. Lots claimed they did, but more fake news.
As from today, it will be illegal for any birder to claim to have seen a species that I have not. And all bird lists will be sent to the White House for vetting. And also as from today, no migrant bird will be accepted into American airspace. None at all. American airspace is for American birds. Not migrants. America first!