Fine bird dining

"Madame et Monsieur, have you a reservation with us today?"

Him: Yes, a table for two, in the name of Mr and Mrs Chaffinch.

"Ah, yes, please follow me. I have a wonderful table for you overlooking the lawn. I would remind you to look out for the cat and we have been visited by a rather tenacious Sparrowhawk this week"

Him: Thankyou.

"May I take your faecal sac?"

Him: No, we'll keep them with us thank you.

"Mais oui. Can I offer you a drink? We have a selection of bird baths, a pond and a particularly fine muddy puddle at the bottom of the garden"

Him: Have you a house bath?

"Of course sir. And can I suggest our special starter today, Husk Free Seed Mix?"

Him: We'll choose from the menu thankyou.. now hen, what do you fancy?

Her: There's so much to choose from. I quite fancy a seed starter, but where to start...

Him: Well, there's Hi Energy Supreme, Feeder Seed, Feeder Seed Plus, Everyday Seed Mix, Organic Wild Bird Blend, Gourmet Small Bird Mix..

Her: Isn't that for Goldcrests?

Him: No dear, we can have that as well. There's also Black Sunflowers, Whole Sunflower Hearts, Premium Sunflower Hearts and, oh look, they've got Premium Kibbled Sunflower Hearts as well!

Her: This CJ Wildlife Restaurant really does have a choice, doesn't it!

Him: It should do for the price... I'm going to have the Kibbled Hearts.

Her: Me too. What about main course?

Him: Well, they've got some basic food, such as Table Seed, Vitality Mix, Robin Blend - I'm not eating that red-breasted crap - Kibbled Peanuts, Hi-Enegy Ground Blend and All Seasons Seed Mix. You could have any of that and combine it with Pinhead Oats, Naked Rolled Oats...

Her: Ohhhh...

Him: Steady, I'm not ready for any of that territorial shit yet - Sultanas, Duck and Swan Sprinkle - who do they think we are, webbed footers? - Oystershell Grit, Mixed Corn, Nutrobal Dietary Supplement and Sprinkle Support.

Her: Oystershell Grit for me with a side order of Pinhead Oats.

Him: I'm going for the Hi-Energy Ground Blend

Her: You know that will play havoc with your bill!

Him: Yeah, yeah, yeah, What about desert?

Her: I quite fancy a Peanut Butter Cake.

Him: Well, looking at this they do it with Mealworms, or insects, with nuts or seed. But then again you could have a fat ball - loads of choice here - Giant ball on a rope, with or without seeds, or with insects, or mealworms, or peanuts.

Her: Oh, are those Suet Treats there?

Him: Yup, you can have Jupiter...

Her: What's that?

Him: No idea - or pellets with insects, or berries, or peanuts, or fruit, or mealworms for that matter

Her: Do they do coconut?

Him: Yes, with...

Her: Let me guess, mealworms, or insects or berries?

Him: You got it. We could always be daring and try their live menu. I've always fancied a bit of wriggling mealworm.

Her: I might just stick to Nyger actually. I need to lose a bit of weight before we start all of that displaying nonsense. Have you sorted out a nest site yet?

Him: Don't start. The Chaffinches down the road haven't even started to unflock yet!

(The foodstuffs listed above are ALL available from CJ Wildlife)


mike N. said…
The Wheatears are in!!
Steve Gale said…
You cruel man Mike... but I love 'em really!

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